Today is the last day of NaNoWriMo Prep and both excitement and fear twist in my gut. My outline is a series of barely there scraps and my mind has been scattered these past few days – I’ve been plagued with mounting attacks of anxiety and fear. I’m tired, my eyes threaten to fold as I write this and I still have a long day in front of me.
The clock is already ticking, I fear failure.
I have thrust a mountain load of challenges on myself for the following month; an entire world has to be built and destroyed, heroes must rise and fall and a romance must seep itself into my third person paradise. I thank God that I’m only required to write a rough, rough first draft because I worry many pieces may fall through the cracks.
My mind is set. My heart and soul are stubborn. My lips lift ceaseless prayer and praise to my heavenly Father. I know that in my current mental state, I can’t write this on my own.
I haven’t been on most of my social media in a few days and the rest for all the bullshit the world throws at us has been a relief. While negativity still plagues my mind at times, it is my own demons that haunt me, not the ghosts of others. My heart is rested and my mind gasps a breath of fresh air.
I think, maybe, I am ready.
The sun is setting and my history books surround me at the moment. I am both worried and terrified but they bring a sense of peace in their normalcy.
Maybe even a tinge of joy.
NaNoWriMo, here I come!